Wow, this quote smacked me right in the head this morning. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. It speaks to me about independent thought and having the courage to think differently even though it may not be popular or seem to make sense. It may just “feel right”.
I would much rather lead a crowd than follow it, IF I truly believe that what I’m leading is the truth. And for those who know me, I’m talking about the Occupy Movement again, and the crimes that are happening right in front of our eyes everyday.Just look at my Facebook Wall pictures and you’ll know what I support and stand up for. http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.278568382161752.74506.278550055496918&type=3
For the most part, being alone has never been an issue for me. But feeling alone is very different than being alone. Up until 2 years ago, I used to abuse myself with substances because I didn’t like feeling alone, not being comfortable with the loneliness . I felt lonely when I was not comfortable with myself and I didn’t want to be with me, so I used and abused to take me away from that. The substance became the “friend” . It has been 2 years ago today that I decided to put away all the substances and crutches and seek a new way of life. On Jan 1 2010, I just said “something has to change”. And for those who know me, I don’t usually do anything in half measures. So I decided to quit smoking, drinking and lose 30 pounds. I had a lot of pent up anger that day, so without thinking I just put on my runners and started to run on slushy slippery roads. I couldn’t do more than 1 minute at a time , but I ran anyway. And I did the same thing the next day and continued until I could run 2 minutes, then 3, etc. etc. Then I set a goal of running 5 k at the RCA conference in Houston in March. Then I set another goal of running a 10 k to raise money for Feed Nova Scotia in May. Then a colleague talked me into training for the Toronto Waterfront marathon in September . She gave me the 18 week plan and away I went. I have not looked back to that old lifestyle since. Life is not perfect, I still struggle with things, but today I am happy to be alone with myself. I’m comfortable and I have a little of that inner peace I have sought all my life. You see I think for me running fills my body with goodness, natural endorphins, and natural seratonin to the brain, (good thing for those prone to ).
I needed something to replace those bad habits with. Some may think that I’m now addicted to running or fitness . I don’t give it too much thought because today it just feels right, and more so than anything, it OPENS DOORS of awareness for me that were clouded heavily with self doubt, remorse and low self esteem.
So why do I write a blog, well because it allows me to articulate thoughts like this and to put it out there. If it helps anyone or inspires them, thats great. But I do this for me. For some that may sound selfish, but I see it this way—- I am all that I have , if I don’t take care of me, then what is my purpose for being here. I bestow honor to God and my parents by taking care of me today. And maybe through this blog you’ll get to know me better.
Life is not perfect today,(it never will be) but it is very very good.