As I walked with my dogs yesterday morning in a spectacular winter environment, I thought about how so much has been happening lately thats led me to rethink mortality . An aging relative is no longer thriving, a good friend is grieving over the sudden death of a very close friend, a relative is faced with having to euthanize her sweet beloved pet tomorrow, a close friend has had a biopsy and is waiting for results , my wifes client is in ICU fighting for her life. Wow, in a matter of a week all of this comes into play. It compels me to drop to my knees in the snow on a Saturday morning and Thank my Higher Power for what I have at this moment.
I don’t typically pray to My God and ask him to do what I want, like ” please make this person better and don’t let them die”. That would be asking for my will to be done. And I’ve learned the hard way that my will is not what life is about. I believe Gods will is for me to thrive . God gives me the tools to do what I need to do. God created nature, and in nature is balance, ying and yang, hot and cold, positive and negative, suffering and joy. There cannot be one without the other.
Recently thinking about a close relative who is aging and seems to be lacking the will to thrive recently, I have pondered whether the human spirit just decides its time to go. Seeing others your age pass away before you and seeing your quality of life diminish may cause the human spirit to seek refuge through death,( or what we perceive as death). I wonder whether the aged sense their passing and simply allow their spirits to lead toward the other side. Intuitively it feels to me that it might be my experience when the time comes. So perhaps we shouldn’t feel so bad for the elderly who don’t seem as “bright” or “chipper” and appear disengaged. Maybe they are on their journey to the other side and maybe its not so bad. But whatever it is, I have faith that it is natural and that has to be good.
Yes people suffer , but in suffering there is release, moments of clarity that cannot be experienced in any other state. And so goes life. When someone dies, humans typically feel sad because that person is no longer in their lives, so isn’t the person grieving typically thinking about themselves rather than rejoicing that the deceased is now released from earth and into another realm? My wife Barbara reminded me again last night that should she pass away before me, she wants a party, not a sombre funeral, and should that happen, a party she will have. And I want the same. For my life to be celebrated. However life is to be celebrated today in this exact single moment that I am here writing this blog.
Something I have thought a lot about lately as well is that I am very apathetic and that needs to change. I rarely REALLY put myself in another persons shoes and see things from their perspective. We use the term lightly “walk in another persons shoes”, but for me to do so , really requires some effort . I highly admire those who can do this , they tend to be the good listeners , the compassionate ones.So I have decided that I will really focus on empathy . One thing I”ve decided to do is to make my races count. Every marathon event that I do will be for a cause. If I run 42km in a marathon , that run should be to help someone who can’t run. I’ve decided to pick a charity and raise money for every marathon, half marathon or 10k that I do. And in doing so I will think about and try to feel what its like to be in the shoes of someone who can’t run. Today I can’t run because I’m injured, but I know that I will be able to run when I”m better. How many around us don’t have that option because they’re disabled, or sick ?
I don’t know that I”ve made any sense here but I know that it sure helps me to express my thoughts and get it out there. Perhaps a dark topic in January, but for me its dealing in reality and it helps me a great deal at a time of year that can typically be depressing for some. Its OK to feel depressed, sad or lonely as long as you know that you’ll feel the opposite again soon and that will make your happiness and joy all the more richer !! That is what is different for me today, I accept the Ying and the Yang.